Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
