OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
