What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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