Im at strip club and am horny
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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