Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
