the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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