theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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