We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
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I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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