I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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