TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
