He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
