I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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