I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
