Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize