96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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