Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
