Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
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Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
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We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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