We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
