you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
