Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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