i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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