I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
