Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
