in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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