Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
