Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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