The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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