I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
