Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
