i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Randomize
