Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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