I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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