If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
