I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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