Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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