Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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