you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
