Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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