Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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