Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
