The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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