I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
