too bad you live with your parents still
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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