i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
