Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
don't judge my taste in strippers
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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