my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
