she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
