I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
