i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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