two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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