we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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