Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i out mim tonsoeep
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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