i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
