I wannas sexs uuuuu
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
