if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
