Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
