Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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