Acid is not a monday night drug
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
