still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Can you bring me the toilet please
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
