considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
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He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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