If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
