I am puke
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
