he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
