TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
