Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
