hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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