Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
