I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
