i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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