Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
