why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
