very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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