Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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