Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My underwear smells like fireworks.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am one with the molecules
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
