I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
