a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize