so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
