Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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