i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
