i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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