so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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