Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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