I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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