In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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