Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
